serendipity reflections
 

i can't begin to know what to post.

that being the case, there may not be any updates here for a time...

posted by arryana at 3:32 PM  *  (0) comments

 

i would say more about the pending adventure, but such things are like butterfly wings.

there's a very small difference between a traveler and a tourist, but an important one all the same. a tourist takes their own world with them wherever they go. preconceptions, personal history, and habit are basic fundamental human baggage, but they really get in the way of seeing new things clearly and from untainted perspective.

not being a particularly enlightened person, the only way i've found to avoid such pitfalls is abandon. it's one thing to land somewhere and have a taxi waiting to take you to a hotel room, following a nicely printed itinerary. it's another to close one's eyes and jump, having faith that letting fate decide the shape of things will provide a richer and deeper experience than a plan ever could.

the world is a much larger and more varied place than my imagination.

i can't wait to meet what awaits.

posted by arryana at 11:41 AM  *  (0) comments

 

there's a lot to post, but i'm not up to the task.

i've managed to catch some sort of flu, i'd be more bummed but it rather gets that issue out of the way before i start on my adventure.

however, it has left me rather exhausted...

posted by arryana at 4:56 PM  *  (0) comments

 

liberty is such a strange thing.

i have recently found myself free of most of the constraints (both people and circumstance) that have dictated my choices for the last handful of years, and it left me at a loss.

at first.

it's funny how being what you're obligated to be for everyone around you can make you forget who you really are. fortunately, that sort of amnesia seems to be temporary. i've remembered what it is that fed my soul before-things-were-as-they-were, and i may have found a road which goes in that direction.

the captain of my brain-ship is a reckless, rash, impetuous fellow. he has gotten me in any number of crazy (dangerous/insane/elevated/mindlessly joyful) situations, but to his credit, also most of the really fantastic moments of my life. certainly the memorable ones. the ones which put things in larger frameworks and perspectives.

so, i've jumped in with both feet and have planned an adventure.

well, planned is the wrong word. embarked upon, begun, initiated, take your pick. these things never go as intended unless one is a tourist, which doesn't at all suit my purpose.

it's time to walk a very different bit of ground.

funny how at home that makes me feel.

posted by arryana at 3:29 PM  *  (0) comments

 

the compass of my heart is spinning like it's sat on a magnet.

there are choices in the road already, and none of the options have a clear beginning.

i wish sitting and waiting were an option, but it isn't. i can see the size of this window, and it's not a large one.

there is no place to look for perspective.

posted by arryana at 9:02 AM  *  (0) comments

 

the shoes have been dropping, as it were.

the job i've had for the last seven years has dissolved.

i thought that i'd feel a lot worse about it when it happened (it wasn't news that the company was being "restructured") and i was treated with a great deal more consideration and professionalism than expected. it made me feel as if i had been a valued employee, and it's left me with an excellent reference.

more, it's a very good time to spend with the parents.

dad's tumors are back, and the only treatment now is laser debulking when it starts to obstruct his breathing and speech. mom had her lungs suctioned today, and i probably don't need to say anything more on that, as the implications are clear enough.

this also provides a brilliant opportunity for an adventure.

the economy being what it is, airfare is extremely low, and i've got some good friends of many years that i'd very much like to spend some time with in person. so, as soon as i've sorted the basics of my life that have gone neglected while i was employed (my poor house is a mess and my computer needs an overhaul) i think it'll be a good thing to do and see something radically different.

the road may be a bit bumpy and very strange, but it really is exciting...

posted by arryana at 8:53 PM  *  (0) comments

 

the wishing well is dry. closed.

for the last... well... ever, i've made the people i love the priority in my life.

it has meant a great deal to me to give them everything they need, insofar as it was in my ability to give.

the upshot is always the same.

they get a boost of confidence, energy, or whatever it is they needed, and they go off to enjoy it or spend it on someone else.

don't get me wrong, i want the people in my world to have everything. it would just be nice if it were me they wanted to share it with. but there's no way to make people feel what they don't.

since this is one of those times when everyone else has wandered off and have only the odd few minutes here and there to spend on me, i won't be missed not being around for a while.

posted by arryana at 8:48 PM  *  (2) comments